The story so far...

Coming late to blogging on our journey, but currently sitting in a waiting bubble, so thought it would be a good time to start:
A brief history of us:
I am Bectora and me and my husband, The Lam after years of trying to conceive and 3 years of an ultimately wasted IVF journey, came to adoption in October 2007.
January 2008 saw us on our initial open evening
February 2008 saw our official expression of interest posted to LA
March 2008 saw us getting provisionally accepted with LA
April 2008 was our first visit from social workers. 2 of. They came to see us, chatted about why we felt adoption was for us, and then went away to decide our fate. The next day we received the phone call - we were in! We didn't know it at the time, but apparently more than 80% of prospective adopters are declined at this stage.
June 2008 saw us on adoption prep group - 5 intensive and emotional days with 10 other couples learning about trauma, attachment, grief, bonding, playing - so many exhaustive and emotional things. At prep group stage, around 50% of adopters will pull out of the process, because it is not for them.
July 2008 we were allocated our homestudy social worker - we'll call her Annie.
August 2008 saw the start of our home study - a series of social worker visits to our home from Annie - each lasting between 2 and 5 hours, and covering many topics in great detail. During the home study we talked about all kinds of issues, facts, opinions, beliefs, emotions, histories, theories and, well, just us that all make up our PAR (prospective adopters report)
September 2008 saw us on another prep group session - this one about foetal alcohol syndrome and drug abuse in pregnancy. Many adoptive children are born in this kind of environment.
Between October 2008 and May 2009 -  we completed our home study. In addition to the emotive stuff listed above, this also included medicals from our GP (which took months) Local Authority checks, CRB checks, employers reference, 2 personal references and a family reference, family tree, chronology of our lives from birth, eco map, support networks, home environment (health and safety) local environment, schools and services nearby, research into children's centres and local groups, experience and understanding of child care, training on grief and trauma in adopted children, attachment and loss, coming to terms with the loss of our own fertility, alcohol and drug misuse in birth families, behavioural issues specific to adoptive children, dog report, not to mention lots of homework - reading many books, watching DVDs etc. It also comprised 2 "2nd opinion" visits from Annie's line manager who we'll call Babette!

Adoption Panel was the next stage. In order to become a prospective adopter, you need to go before a formal panel and explain exactly why you are good enough to parent a potentially damaged child. We were hoping for adoption approval panel in April 2009, but we were dropped from 4 panels - one on 1st April, one on 23rd April, one on May 16th and one on June 23rd.
Finally we struck gold, and July the 1st 2009 saw us at adoption approval panel
It was terrifying. Nine individuals who had read and studied our PAR and held the fate of our future as a family in their hands. They interviewed us and asked us questions on our support network and on how prepared we are for change in our lifestyles. They then asked us about the tackling of issues of attachment and our attitudes towards the potential birth families. Annie and Babette were amazing, and promoted us brilliantly. We were led into a little ante-room whilst the panel decided our fate.
Less than two minutes later, the Chair of the panel came in to us. The Lam and I were sitting, holding hands and shaking a little. The Chair, smiling broadly, simply said, "it's a confident and unanimous yes"
I cried, the Lam sunk his head into his hands, and we hugged Annie! We went back into the room where the panel were all smiling at us, and they told us we were a really strong couple and had a great application and that was it. We were approved. We were going to be parents.
What a day - we went for a lovely pub lunch and then phoned everyone we knew!

And then went home to prepare for Mozza....

And then... the sound of silence!

For months

We heard nothing until midway through October, when we contacted Annie and she arranged to come and see us.

It turned out that she'd been busy putting our names forward for three different bambinos - but we weren't the preferred couple for any of the children's social workers. Annie said we were strongly considered, but on all three occasions, the social worker went with another couple
So obviously none of those children were Mozza!



Then she told us that there's another one - all we know is that he's a little boy - and we'll know by the end of November!

She's coming to see us on the 30th to tell us one way or the other if his social worker has chosen me and the Lam!


So, we're still waiting for Mozza - but maybe he's getting closer!