Words Upon a Page

Words Upon a Page

To our son


You grew inside our hearts and minds, from words upon a page
A list of all the things we’d want - your name, your sex, your age
Not like other babies, and not like any other mummy
I knew I’d never feel you grow inside my tummy.
Instead you grew in meetings, in homework and in books
On paperwork and talking, we’d search and we would look.
We had to learn about a world we never knew before
We knew the journey we were on, but not what was in store.
So months they passed, and even years before things were moving on
We didn’t know what to base our hopes and feelings on.
Panels and interviews, approvals and judgement days
All moulded into a block of time, lost inside a haze
And so much time to think of you, our unknown future child
Would we ever meet you? Had you already smiled?
When had been your birthday? Had you blown the candles out?
Were you walking, had you talked? Were you filled with doubt?
Were you a little baby? Or were you ready-grown?
Would we ever find you, and love you like our own?
Would you be a little boy? Or would you be a girl?
Would you be blonde, like mummy, straight hair, or with a curl?
Had your past come into play? Were you feeling sad?
What kind of life were you in? What family had you had?
It was too hard to think of the future that we craved
We didn’t know when you would come and when we would be saved
Our “pregnancy” lived on and on, no tangible kicks we felt
No due date ahead of us, the hand that we were dealt.
And all the while, a feeling, that we had done things differently
Would we ever be good enough, for you to be happy?
Questions from all around, and no answers we could give
We didn’t know how far away you were, or where you lived
Training and preparation, books and conversations
Would the evenings filled with darkness ever turn to celebration?
Would we find you this year? Or would it be the next?
Would we ever smile again, or live life as a guest?
We wanted to be a family, more than you ever knew
We just knew we were waiting, waiting here for you
And we knew that we would simply know, when our child came along
We hoped after all these years, it wouldn’t take too long.
And then - a phone rang one day, to bring the news of you
Subdued and oh so serious, still with so much to do
But details, details that we had - words upon a page
A tiny little baby boy, just twelve short weeks in age.
Not allowed to be excited, or share our news around
But we celebrated privately, because you had been found.
We knew there were some obstacles, meetings -  judgement too
But in our hearts we really knew, that our son was you.
The weeks ticked by with thoughts of you filling both our heads
Little Mozza - out there. Was he in his bed?
Was he having fun today? Drinking milk,  smiling yet?
We had no clue where you were, but our future was all set
Panel day arrived - a group deciding all our fate
An early morning slot meant we wouldn’t have to wait.
An hour or so inside the room, promising that we’d be
Everything and more to you - a loving family
We told of how we loved you, from the first words on the page
And that love had grown stronger, with each passing stage
A photograph of baby you, and words from those who knew
All combined to prove to us, how much we wanted you.
We spoke and spoke right from our hearts, and then were asked to leave
While a verdict was considered - did that panel believe?
Did they have faith in both of us, that we three were so right?
Would this be (oh finally) our celebration night?
The minutes they ticked on and on, the longest we had known
Slowly passing by until we might call you our own
And then we were called right back in, to listen to our fate
For those long years had all boiled down to this everlasting wait.
The panel looked right at us, and smiles were all around
They told us that they knew the ideal match had just been found
That we were right to be your parents, that you were right to be our boy
Never had we felt such unadulterated joy.
The tears rolled down our cheeks, and I swear my heart just stopped
With love and smiles and happiness, I truly thought I’d pop.
The “yes” we heard from panel, was the loudest ever word
It filled our hearts and lives and heads, the best word ever heard.
We celebrated all day long, and cried all through the night
We knew that we’d been waiting for this feeling - oh, so right.
Champagne was popped, and we both knew our lives would start to change
A feeling that we never knew we’d feel, it was so strange.
A week of introductions, where we would finally meet our son
We couldn’t wait for that day, our lives had just begun.
The drive to go and meet you was the very strangest drive
We’d never felt more scared - and never more alive.
We entered the house so nervously, this moment - this was it
The moment that we’d know if we were a perfect fit
Walking through an open door, my eyes were drawn to you
A mother’s love inside me. Oh Mozza - I just knew.
I picked you up and held you, and my life was so complete
All those years of waiting, for that moment pure and sweet.
Daddy held you too, and we looked at one another
No more waiting to be had - we couldn’t run for cover
For we were faced with eternity, of changing - 2 to 3
And we could think of no other place that we’d rather be.
The week of introductions flew by inside a blur
It lasted both a lifetime, and gone inside a whir
And then we brought you back with us, to your forever home
A mummy and a daddy you could finally call your own.
And each day that has passed since then, we’ve loved you more and more
And still can’t believe you’re here - just what we were waiting for.
You’re embedded in our lives, my son, it all revolves around you
And there’s nothing on this planet, that we would rather do.
Every single day my heart fills with more love than I’ve known
From simple words upon a page, you’ve turned into our own.
No, you didn’t grow inside me, son, but you were born inside my heart
And this feeling I hold within, I know is just the start
From concepts and conversations, homework and making lists
It’s only now you’re here, that we know this love exists
You complete us, little Mozza, you make us perfect and whole
And making you safe and happy is our only  aim and goal.
We are a special family, brought together in clinical ways
But we know that we’ll be happy for the rest of all our days
Your smile, your laugh, your cheeky grin, the silly things you say,
The way you look at both of us, brightens up the day
The instant recognition and the happiness which emanates
From you as the centre of our world, makes our hearts palpitate
You are our every reason, son, you complete our family
There’s nothing else I’d rather have - than you, Daddy and me.
So never wonder, Mozza, if our family was a whim
Because I’ve spent my whole life wanting you, and it’s my heart you’re in

A pregnancy on paper, a labour made in court
Words on a page, so much happiness they’ve brought.
You’re in our heads and hearts and minds every single minute
Our family is perfect, now that you are in it.

We love you